Psssst, Coulter! Stop Embarrassing Yourself

Ann Coulter addressed CPAC today and in addition to putting her Cornell degree to good use by doing second rate stand-up schtick aimed at Democrats, she implored Conservatives to vote for Mitt Romney of all people. She insists that she *knows* that this plastic, rich, white liberal is the only Republican in the race who can beat Obama. As this is a stunning departure from her previous assertions, not to mention the plain facts of history, that no moderate Republican can ever beat a Democrat in a general election, she's resorted to a vile two-pronged strategy to deliberately obfuscate her blatant hypocrisy. First, she tells a big fat lie. She makes the outlandish claim the Mitt Romney is, in fact, the most Conservative candidate in the race and repeats this falsehood as often as she can, regardless of facts. Then she uses her considerable sway within alternative media (Read: Matt Drudge) to conduct a truly bizarre ad hominem attack campaign against Newt Gingrich, the man who is, in fact, the most Conservative candidate in the race.
Now, she's been ordering Republicans to back Romney for many months, now. And she's just so darn smart and right all the time about everything that she just can't figure out why Americans aren't collectively carrying Mitt Romney to the convention on their shoulders yet. She suspects it might have something to do with his personality.
She says, "You can't call him dumb. You can't call him crazy. You can call him square, and that seems to be what a lot of right-wingers don't like about him...I think we have had enough of hip. Hip has nearly wrecked the country. Let's try square for a while."
No, Ann, not by half. We don't like him because he's liberal.
Just take a hard look at his economic plan, for starters. The Wall Street Journal called it timid. Or, to put it in simple Tea Party language, it sucks. The Tax Foundation, a policy research organization in Washington, graded his tax plan and gave it a C-. Caroline Baum wrote in The Washington Post, "Romney's economic vision has hardly stepped beyond a 30 percent corporate tax break, something even Obama has pondered." In fact, it basically returns us to the Clinton era when we were treading water and about to go over a fall. Oh yeah, Ann, free-market, liberty-loving Americans have been clamoring to go back to the Clinton years with ideas approved of by Obama. You've sure got us pegged.
No, Ann, you silly girl. Square is not the problem. Square is a given. If you call yourself a Republican, much more a Conservative, and you don't understand that you are hereby eternally banished to the nerd table at the cafeteria-of-life by virtually a unanimous consent among just about everyone in the undeniably cool movie, tv, and music industries, you are delusional. Square will do just fine when it embodies a fiery Conservative position. Square is inspiring when articulating American exceptionalism and how Liberty empowers even the meanest amongst us. Square is rousing when it challenges us to pursue our own happiness and defend the kingdom of our God given rights.
For your information, Newt Gingrich is square, Ann. Why don't you take your own advice and give him a try?

by C. C. Kurzeja2007 All Rights Reserved