On Birthdays

"Figlio, you're turning three soon. We're going to have a party to celebrate and invite the cousins. Won't that be fun? What would you like to do for your party? Should would get a Star Wars cake?"

"I want you to invite the men [meaning the landscaping crew] back. I want you to give everyone a big shovel and dangerous saw and we can go back into the wood and chop down trees."

"Honey that's not happening. How 'bout baseball. You want a baseball cake?"

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"Figlio, you're turning four soon. What would you like to do for your party?"

"I want you to give everyone a big shovel and we can dig big holes in the grass."

"That's not happening. How 'bout dinosaurs? We could have a dinosaur pinata."

Groan. " I hate dinosaurs!"

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"Figlio, your going to be five soon. Have you thought about what you want to do for your party?"

"Well... I know you're not going to let me have a fire birthday where we could start little fires all over the yard and give everyone a hose and let us put it out."


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"Fgilio, how 'bout for your sixth birthday I buy a whole bunch of water guns and water balloons and we can invite all the kids from the neighborhood and break up into teams and have, like, a war only with water."

He rubs his chin. This is how he thinks. "All right."

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"Figlio, you're turning seven soon. How 'bout we have a baseball party? Baseball is your life, after all."

"Mom, I've thought about this long and hard and I really, really want to do this. I want to take a car engine and stick baseballs in it. Then I want to light the balls on fire until they shoot off into the air. Of course, the engine will probably also catch on fire. But that's okay because we'll do t in the cul-de-sac and give everyone hoses.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

by C. C. Kurzeja
2006 All Rights Reserved